Sark ....

I really like what she has to say... I began a workshop last month. I did the first two days of a 30 day "adventure" and then stopped ... why?

Am I afraid of what I will discover about myself?

Am I afraid to become happy? satisfied? joyful?

Was it too hard to find the time?

What in the heck is wrong with me?

Good gosh ...

ENOUGH!

I need to take charge, but how?

I love me?

I don't love me?

I love parts of me?

I hate parts of me?

I love all of me?

What is it?

I want joy in my life. I want peace in my life. I want peace in my life. I want life in my life.

Okay excuses ...

1) no time

2)no energy

3)no money

4)... hmmm

is that all ...

okay so I got interrupted so now I continue.

My 15 year old son thinks he should be allowed to do whatever he wants whenever he wants.

He feels that my expectation that he clean his room and follow through with his household chores is too demanding. He has gone out and not come home, until I've gone searching for him and found him. He has said "Why do I even stay here. I should just leave and go to a friend's house and stay there until you aren't so ruling and demanding." "None of my friends have to ask to go places, they are all allowed to drink, they don't have to help out as much as I do ( he basically has 2 chores - doing the dishes some nights and taking the garbage to the curb once a week. ).

I'm so frustrated.

I don't know what to do.

I love this boy more than anything, and I tell him all the time.

What's a single mom to do. I can't be home all the time, I have to work. I don't have another parent here to back me up, it's just me.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

My dilema

I don't know what to do.

I'm so tired of being a single parent, of having a teenage son who is so disrespectful and uncaring and not having another adult in the house to back me up.

How can I build harmony in the house?

And away we go!!!!!!!!!!

This is more of a theraputic exercise for me than anything else.
I don't know if anybody will even read it - that really isn't the point.
so here goes....
I am on my own again - thank goodness!!!!
I'm not sure what drove me to jump into a relationship with yet another control freak or even what compelled me to stay in it for 5 years, but I did.
And now I am embarking on a new life on my own and I couldn't be happier, freer, and feel more relaxed.
Life is good!
It may not be easy - in fact I'm pretty much broke right now, but I have a decent job and won't be broke for ever. Actually I may end up in an even better financial situation than I ever could have been with him in the end.
but that's something else for another day.
Other obstacles or challenges
12 year old son with a "stinky" attitude
4 year old daughter that we have to figure out a schedule for - when will he want to see her? Do we set a schedule or let it go willy nilly when it is most convenient for him?
These are things that I didn't have to think about with my other children - their father moved 3000 km away to escape being prosecuted for doing some pretty terrible things - and so the visitation issues were not really there.

Well, that's about it for now.

ttfn